What is my Reason?

My friend from work Gina and I hit it off immediately. Except for the blonde hair that she has, we practically have the same thing in common: leaving home to try life on our own.

She came all the way from New York. Armed only with her truck packed with whatever she can on the back, she left home and came here to Miami. Left her family, left her boyfriend, left everthing she had, left everything she knew. Only said 'see you around'. And three years after, she still cries as she still misses home.

This relocation, this experience, this chance, this change...everything came so fast. So quick I never realized it was this difficult. Sure, I was excited. Having been given that chance, sure I was pretty excited. People was envious of me, why wouldnt I be happy. There was this dream and I got the chance to hold that dream.

But never did I realize that I should have had invested my little time left back home to prepare myself for living all alone. I never expected it would be this hard. Maybe because I have never really been alone. Ever. I was always with someone, with somebody. Never even shopped alone. Never watched movies alone. There was absolutely nothing I had done alone.

I was battling with self-pity. Pride ate me out. I was still dazzled by the idea that I was a princess...that people would do things for me. But reality slapped me in the face. Not here in the States. No one to wash my clothes, or make me food, or bring me coffee at my table. No driver to drive me around, no staff to make me crazy. For a while, I was lost. I wanted to go home. All I had were tears when I go to bed at night. It was such a bad bad feeling... and I had to carry that alone.

What got me through though was when I finally convinced myself to ask for help. I asked for help .. and help did came. I was amazed by people's generosity...people I dont even know. They filled my house with furniture to make it look like a home. They filled my heart with gratitude, sometimes my tears are my payment. I had so much stress but their kindness made me go through it all.

Gina said everything happened for a reason. Not that Gina invented those words. She told me once when we were driving off to lunch. I didnt really believed in that before. I still dont. Not that I didnt want to... But because I still dont know what my reason is.

Why was I given that chance? Among all the people in that job, why was I picked?

Why was I being separated from my family?

Why was I being taken away from the life I thought I would always have.

I dont know. You answer me.